What’s on your bucket list?”
A question that I have heard so many times in a casual conversation. Whenever mentioned, it sends me into this quick retrospection mode of trying to make a list of all the things that I want to do. Most often this question or the idea of a bucket list elicits a response which includes a laundry list of items, often things which I have pushed to do sometime in the future. These activities or items are mostly romantic ideas of experiencing a life which I have read about or seen in the movies. Sometimes it includes cool things that other people I know have done or are planning to do.
Hardly anyone ever cares to answer the logical follow-up question - Why is a particular activity on the list. I think that’s primarily because it is a much harder question to address. To peel the layers of motivation to do something is a cumbersome task which requires a lot of mind space and self awareness. Is this something I am doing because I really want to do? Or is it because I have this notion of having a list of cool things to do, not for any reason but to say that I have “been there, done that”.
I imagine the conversation would be really different with someone who is actually facing their mortality. Someone who knows, who really has come to terms with the truth that they will not be in the world anymore would have a very different idea of what they want to do in the limited time they have as opposed to people like me, who take tomorrow for granted, almost believing that we are going to live forever. In his book, ‘When Breath Becomes Air’, Paul Kalanithi masterfully pens down the feelings of a young person, who faces imminent death. He gets diagnosed with terminal cancer and for someone so young, with a promising life ahead of him, he grapples with the realisation that his time is running out, and still there are things that he aspires for. In this book, which I highly recommend, he explains his thought process, his wish to find meaning in life and the things he would like to do before the sun sets. His poignant story and his craftsmanship with words made me think of the concept of time and the meaning of all that we do in a completely different perspective.
Scuba diving, bungee jumping etc. maybe great fun activities to do, but to have them on a bucket list, I feel is somewhat trivial. We look for meaning in all of our actions, which makes me think that anything on such a list must hold a deeper significance for me, rather than just doing something which sounds cool.
I feel, in our commonplace, casual discussions, bucket lists are just a representation of how much time we think we have left. Longer the list, longer we think we have got to do all those things in the world. It is just so hard to acknowledge, that dates on the calendar are much closer than they appear; even harder is to realise that every passing day we come close to the day that we no longer will be around.
While this thought seems grim and dark for any disposition, it helps me prioritise some things ahead of others. In the limited time that I and others have, I want to ensure I do not do things which I do not enjoy or find value in; or even waste someone else’s time. For me, it has become easy to say no to things, because I would rather spend my time on things that I really care about. Being cautious and thoughtful about the time that I give away has made my life much easier, because when I answer the question - “is this worth my time?” - I usually am able to make the decision fairly easily.
I do not have any items on my bucket list. Nothing in particular, at least. What I hope to do, is to make sure that I spend my time on people, things and experiences which I care about. Because in the end, I would not probably care about whether I jumped off a plane or not, but instead be grateful of the time spent in the company of loved ones, adding meaningful experiences by doing things which left my heart full.
