As someone who aspires to grow in the world of business, learning the skills to become a good manager is imperative for me. I try and learn from books, my peers, my family and my friends and try to implement what I learn both in my personal and professional life. Experience is a teacher better than any other, and good managers are often those who have faced and emerged from difficult and tricky situations because of how they managed. One of the great things about being part of a wedding as a groom is that it either teaches you a lot of skills in a very short period of time or reminds you of all the skills you had, but never thought of applying in a different context.
Stakeholder Management
One of the key lessons I've learned is the importance of stakeholder management. Weddings are not just about tasks; they are about people and emotions. Managing stakeholders means dealing with the needs, expectations, and emotions of various parties, from your spouse and family to vendors and guests. This experience translates well to the business world, where understanding and managing relationships can make or break a project.
Most of the stakeholders here are people I like, and I have 0 authority over them. So I cant really demand things to be done. Also, it happened so often that our priorities were not the same. Like my parents were thinking about the best experience for the guests, I was optimising for my parents convenience and ease. These two were at odds, often times, leading to conflict which could not be resolved easily. So it really became important to understand the underlying motivation of doing something and that helped finding a common ground.
But finding common ground is time consuming, pain-staking work. And gets frustrating because of the same reason. So it brings me to the second thing i learnt:
Conflict Resolution
Weddings also teach you a lot about conflict resolution. With so many people involved and so many opinions, disagreements are bound to happen. Learning to navigate these conflicts diplomatically and find solutions that satisfy everyone is a skill that is incredibly useful in the workplace. It teaches you to listen, compromise, and find common ground.
This is a lesson, but obviously this wasnt the actual case when things were happening. Being patient and practicing restraint helped; putting things in broader context and perspective also helped. But this gets tiring very quickly. Because there are so many people around, everyone has an opinion on everything, and not only that, they consider their opinion to be best possible alternative to the situation. That includes me as well. But it again is a valuable skill to evaluate who and what to prioritise and manage the conflict or a dispute in a calm and peaceful way. Gifts for guests was point of conflict at several points during the planning and the days leading up to the wedding. Who would get what and how much gave rise to several heated discussions, which were then resolved using the skills learnt from stakeholder management.
Budgeting
Another critical lesson is budgeting. Throwing money at a problem is often a solution, but not the best one. Weddings come with their own set of financial constraints, and learning to work within a budget is a valuable skill. This experience teaches you to allocate resources wisely and find creative solutions to problems without overspending, a skill that is equally important in business.
Indian weddings tend to become these massive productions. One of the reasons is: the only thing flexible is the budget. Because people dont really budge on their opinions or constraints. So the only that remains negotiable is the budget.
Someone will say I need to gift something to my friends, and then because we dont want to look miserly, that gifting rule will apply to everyone, and then we go to the budget and see that its overshot. We reduce and optimise a bit, because the idea has stuck, but now we are gifting 30-50 more people than was initially planned. Or jewelry is another example. One thing leads to another and suddenly you find yourself with 3 extra pieces of jewelry which were “neccessities” for a ceremony or were prescribed by an elder or is just “tradition”.
Logistics and Operations
Logistics and operations are other areas where weddings offer valuable lessons. We often overestimate what we can achieve in a day or a few hours and underestimate what we can achieve in a week. Planning a wedding involves coordinating multiple activities and ensuring that everything runs smoothly. This experience underscores the importance of doing small things consistently and showing up every day, rather than trying to do everything at once.
I had been actively involved in the planning, even though I was in London and all the action was in Delhi. I was helping streamline operations by maintaining excel of budgets, guests, gifts, menu, to do lists. 2 weeks prior to the wedding, when i was in Delhi, I was right in the mix of it, going shopping, planning the food for guests, groceries, entertainment, hospitality and it really was a mad house all around. Just so much work to do. So while its important to have a plan, it is also is important to remember that things will not go according to it. But it still is important to have one, else you are just surrounded by chaos.
Any sort of order helps bring the chaos to reign and makes things easier for everyone. The excels became print outs which were handed around to explain the hotel rooms. The food excel became the menu for the cook to prepare food for the guests. We could plan all the gifts according to the guest lists and the people who had responded to the invites.
It all adds up, no matter how little. So be consistent with the effort and remember chaos is the job description.
Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is another lesson that can't be overstated. Health and mind are massive pillars that are often neglected in the hustle and bustle of planning a wedding, or managing a business. Ensuring that you are in good physical and mental health is crucial for making sound decisions and handling stress effectively. This lesson is invaluable in any high-pressure environment, be it personal or professional.
This is something that helped me tremendously. No matter how little I was sleeping or how exhausted I was, I would go to the gym for some time. It helped me get away from all the action just for a little bit, like a safe haven, where i could be peaceful with my thoughts, while getting some exercise done.
Speaking to Gunjan, my wife now, was part of the routine, and it helped us centre and kept our frustrations in check. It helped knowing and talking to a person that all of this is a well meaning event, except it turns chaotic sometimes. Most times. And weddings sort of bring out sides to people which they have never shown or sometimes their no”not good” sides. Its all part of the package, and taking time out, no matter how little, became a really important to-do.
Time Management
Lastly, weddings are a crash course in time management. The timeline for a wedding is often tight, and there are countless tasks that need to be completed on schedule. This experience teaches you to prioritize tasks, delegate responsibilities, and manage your time effectively, all of which are crucial skills for any manager.